I know what your thinking. Uh you missed the l in public. Did I? I hate using public restrooms for even washing my hands, much less having to do a #2. When I first enter a restroom I immediately notice the odor. What is that smell? My gosh do they allow farm animals in here? Business owners try their hardest to mask the odors with heavy duty air fresheners, but that just makes it smell like someone crapped in a flower shop. No matter what, you can be sure my weak gag reflex is going to be close to the barf line as soon as I walk in. Urinal cakes are one of my least favorite things too, as many of my shoes have been drenched from the dreaded splashback. I don’t like to label something cake unless I can eat it. Who was the genius who thought of advertising in the urinal? I love the idea, except for one thing. Most guys are so terrified of looking around when they’re using the urinal for fear that someone will proposition them. They have that blank stare at the wall just to be on the safe side. We use our peripheral vision to make assessments of who is next to us and if we are being looked at. Next they’ll be putting some advertising in the crapper with catchy slogans like “slide on down to Earls and get a good deal!” Men have this weird instinct when they are doing a #2 in a public restroom if they are the only one in the there. Upon someone entering the restroom, men feel this instinctual urge to muster a fake cough to signal the person entering that they are not alone and a stall is occupied. Not even a lock on the stall can give a man a sense of security in this vulnerable position. There could be some maniac on the loose who goes around ripping stall doors off and sitting on the laps of unsuspecting patrons. I actually do have a traumatic childhood experience of using the restroom in elementary school and some kid ripping my door open and pointing at me and laughing as I was pooping! I was never the same. I can still see his face and that finger pointing at me! AAAAHHHHH! With all the news of men prowling public restrooms looking for sex, it’s no wonder we are leary when we enter a bathroom. Things race through our mind like “is that guy checking me out?” or, “was that toe tap from the next stall a signal?” Its bad enough for me to use a public restroom, but guys looking for sex in there? GROSS!!!! Toilet seats are another issue in restrooms. Not all have that toilet seat paper barrier, but could there be a more worthless invention? Call me crazy, but some thin little sheet of paper is not going to provide an adequate line of defense from the previous guys sweaty butt. If I go to the doctor and he pulled out some paper gloves to give me a checkup, I’d be concerned. Why can’t the seat covers be made of latex? A toilet seat condom! The only thing more worthless than this is a lock on a screen door! If the restroom doesn’t have the seat covers, I resort to building a thick layer of toilet paper with one strip on each side and one on the back. I use enough to make it feel like I am sitting on a couch cushion. The toilet paper they provide is absolutely the worst! It is what I like to call John Wayne TP. Rough tough and don’t take crap from anyone. I wrap enough of it around my hand to make an oven mitt. This of course, is to prevent the dreaded poke through. I won’t go into details, but your pointer finger touches the worst place imagineable! Oops the cats out of the bag. I am sure by now I have thoroughly grossed you out, and now you can feel my pain. Enjoy!